I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just invented taco cereal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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