in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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