Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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