I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize