he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
