Already got asked if we're dating
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
