You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
