either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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