you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
