So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
