We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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