who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
