I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
