Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
