idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
