your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
