As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
