Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
