you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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