I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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