I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize