i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
