Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
