I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
