Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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