Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
