I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
