She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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