wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
