The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
