one two three fourrrrnication!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize