WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
