Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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