If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize