Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
