i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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