i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
