the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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