Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
