I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
