just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
