Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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