Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
