dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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