Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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