If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
