HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
