Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
