Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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