if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize