I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
