i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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