I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
