I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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