it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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