he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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