I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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