dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
