i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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