life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
