You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
