Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
