my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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