She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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