Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
