dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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