Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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