The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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