i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my being single is dangerous.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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