don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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