Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
