How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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