I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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