I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
