i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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