As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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