I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
