Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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