A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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