Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
