3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
