I just threw up on my dentist
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
