I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
