Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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