We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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