What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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