Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
