i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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