omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
