The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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