I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
