got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
