dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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