the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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