Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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