she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
