Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bring me that man meat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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