i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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